I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
