I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
