just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The struggles of a small town man whore
so much tequila, so little girl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
