would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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