What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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