I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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