is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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