i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
