No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
