is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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