got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
