We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
