You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
