So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
