I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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