Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
