You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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