it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize