i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
