you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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