i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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