You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
