I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
