So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
