you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
