can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
