Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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