I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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