I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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