He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
