Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
