dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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