Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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