Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
