wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
