First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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