Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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