I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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