He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just forgot I was standing up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
