Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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