I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
