two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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