i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
