i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
