i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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