I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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