Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
