Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
