I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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