I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
