I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
