she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
