The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
