i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
