i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
