Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
