I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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