Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
