apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize