I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
