Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
