So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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