I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
