apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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