So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
