I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
