I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality