I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.