You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.