I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
