i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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