His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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