Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
