I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
