I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
