I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
only if we run a train.
done.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
